George and I are in the process of deciding if to have another child or leave our number at 2. We come from big families. I have 6 siblings. George has 4.
Right now, I feel very comfortable and happy with 2. They are healthy, sweet, cute, and relatively smart (he). I feel I can take care of them and myself. I can make sure they get what they need, while I am able to do the things I want. This comfortable place makes me worry about having another one.
I am not a fearful person, but I am afraid of having another kid. Here are the reasons why:
1) I am afraid of not being able to handle it; to loose my personal time and myself; and, to leave my projects and dreams behind. All these are selfish fears, but they are real.
2) In a practical sense, I am afraid of that first sleepless year, and meeting the demands of my other children and husband. I am afraid of being overwhelmed. I have no family help here. My family is in Chile, George’s family is scattered, and I have to pay for all childcare. We are raising these children alone.
3) Money is another consideration. Right now, we have a comfortable life and are able to do the things we want. We live in LA, faraway from our families, and the only reason to justify this placement is because LA is an extraordinary city. We always try to take good advantage of it, but this costs money. If we have a third child, some of these benefits won’t be affordable anymore.
The reasons to have another child are simpler. I love being a mother, more than anything else in my life. My hormones are wonderful companions that first year and they make me very happy – I am lucky. Also, I love big families; I like being pregnant; and, I adore having a small, helpless, and sweet newborn in my arms. Kids are such a fun adventure.
In these big life decisions, I try to ask the opinion of older women, but I have had conflicted responses. Most of them have recommended on having another child, but my mom, who has 5 kids, says I should stay with 2.
George really wants another kid. He loves being a dad and gets most of his life enjoyment from being a parent, and, I certainly don’t want to disappoint him. He will be heartbroken if I say no to another baby. On the other hand, as helpful as your husband is, most of the burden of a newborn is on the woman.
There are so many things to consider, so I was wondering what your opinion is on this? How many kids do you want to have? Have you ever regretted not having more kids? Have you ever regretted having too many? How do you know if you can handle one more? Just curious.